Parenting Indigo and Crystal Children

Parenting an Indigo or Crystal child is a special privilege in this time of turbulence and change. As a parent, you are contributing to etsablishing new patterns for parenting on the planet. You are partnering with your child in raising the resonance of the child/parent relationship to its highest possible level at this time.

The Indigo or Crystal child has come to the planet with its own “mission”. As an Indigo it is here to challenge exisiting forms and beliefs, and as a Crystal it is here to teach empowerment and love. You, as the parents, are the partners in this mission of teaching and healing. You can help your child to fulfill its mission by understanding what is required of you. As a parent to an Indigo, you can expect to be challenged at every turn, but having the skills to handle these challenges will create and easier relationship between you and your Indigo. As the parent of a Crystal, you will have to deal with a very strong will and frequent power struggles. Again, having the parenting skills to cope with these issues will facilitate the growth and unfolding of your child.

The Old Parenting Paradigm
The Old Parenting paradigm just will not work for Indigos and Crystals. And this is to be expected. They are here to challenge this paradigm and to replace it with something better. So, the way you were brought up will not work for them. You cannot repeat your own parenting patterns – whether consciously or unconsciously. As a parent of a New Child, you have to become conscious of what motivates the particular parenting pattern that you have chosen.

The old paradigm was based largely on Power and Fear. The parent saw the child as a responsibilty that had to be undertaken, and the parental duty was to ensure that the child was provided for materially, educated and formed into an adult, just like all the other adults. The child was brought up to fear punishment and to see parents, teachers, and other adults as power figures. The child was taught to accept the norms of society by these power figures, even if these went against his or her natural inclinations. The parents and caregivers saw their role as control of the child. They were therefore entitled to punish the child, even with violence, if that control, usually exerted in the form of rules and prohibitions, was challenged or ignored. The point of the rules and regulations was to ensure that the child would “fit in” or conform to society. Old Style parents often say things like: “You will do it because I said so, and I’m your mother/father”, or “you will do it because that’s what everyone else does”.

The Old Style Parent is an Authoritarian, and demands compliance and respect on the basis of that authority vested in the child/parent relationship. In this belief system, the parent is seen to “own” the child and have the right to demand compliance. The parents believe themselves to know more and to be wiser, and therefore have the right to demand certain behaviour patterns and life choices from “their” child.

The New Parenting Paradigm
The New Parenting Paradigm is based on Love and derives from the Heart Centre. In this new paradigm, every child is seen as a gift and a privilege. Parenting is viewed as a Heart experience, in which the adult is given the task of nurturing and assisting a newly arrived soul to the Planet. This task is a partnership, in which the parent and the child share the adventure of creating the conscious experience of growth and learning within the nurturing parameters of the relationship.

In this new Heart-based parenting model, the child is seen for what it is – a highly evolved and developed soul. This Indigo or Crystal soul has its own wisdom to impart to the adult world, and the parent’s role is often to assist that child to bring its message to the world. To do so requires that the child be loved and nurtured, and encourage to express to the full who and what they really are, and to be given the opportunities to develop their full potential in a loving environment.

In order to be this kind of parent or caregiver, qualities such as Love,Tolerance, Respect and Unconditional Acceptance need to be part of the basic parenting or caring skills. Also, the new parent needs to learn and understand the skills of Negotiation, Communication and Discipline.

This is THE most important parenting skill of all. And most people imagine that it “comes naturally”. But often, parents reproduce their own learned parenting paradigm without truly considering whether it comes from the heart or not. Effectively, you cannot love and respect your child if you do not love and respect yourself. And so many of us were brought up with messages of “not good enough”, that fostered low self esteem and difficulties with self-love and self-acceptance. Anyone who works with children will need to watch how their own unresolved self-acceptance issues may be projected onto the child. The child will then be seen as “naughty” or “unmanageable” or “out of control”, or any of a number of “not good enough” labels.

Also, a parent’s unresolved angers and hostilties are often reflected back to that parent in the child’s behaviour. Often an angry and temperamental child will be playing out the repressed feelings of the parent.

It is difficult to raise an Indigo or Crystal child unless you have worked through your issues and are able to love yourself, empower yourself and express your full potential.

Your Indigo or Crystal Child will be your primary teacher, if in fact you have not worked through these issues.

You WILL learn to empower yourself and to value yourself – as they teach you the skills. But it is far easier if you already have these skills, then parenting your child becomes a shared adventure of empowered growth.

This is often one of the most difficult things for a parent. Often parental pride demands that the child live up to certain expectations or fulfil certain roles. But Indigo and Crystal children have their own defined being and their own sense of who and what they are. This is very clear to them. And sometimes this sense of who they are can be in direct opposition to the parents desires and needs.

When this happens, it takes a very special parent to be able to say: “I accept you for what you are”, and “you do not need to be like me.”

An insecure parent may take the child’s very difference from him or herself as a threat, and demand that the child conform. But the new parent allows the child to unfold and be what it is, even encouraging aspects of the child’s being that may be foreign to their own way of thinking or being if that is where the child’s gifts lie.

The new parent also accepts that as the Indigo child grows into adolescence and adulthood, it may not choose to follow the “safe” and “responsible” career paths that the parent may wish. The Indigo may wish to be creative, or travel the world and see life, rather then go to college and follow a set life path.

New parents will need to understand that Indigos and Crystals see life as an ongoing creation, where they are free to “remake” themselves whenever they feel so inclined, as they follow their passions. They probably will have no interest in safe and secure, but rather in passionate and creative and fun.

This doesn’t have to mean they will not create abundance. Often Indigo adults create the same affluence level as their parents before they are thirty. But they do it in unsual and creative ways.

This is closely related to unconditional acceptance. If the parent can accept who or what the child is, then on this acceptance there can be built a mutual respect for each other. This mutual respect is a necessary foundation on which the parent/child relationship will be built.

Many Old Style parents see children as inexperienced and fairly stupid until taught otherwise by experienced and wiser adults. New parents are aware that their child is an evolved being in a small body, and there is a mutual exchange of ideas and experiences in the relationship. The parent teaches the child/soul the survival skills it needs for life on the planet at this time. The Child teaches the parents new perspectives on life that derive from its closer connection with the Spirit world.

This mutual respect means that each of you will allow the other to be what they are, without the need for criticism and hostility if there are differences.

In fact, the new parent will see these differences as something to be celebrated as we begin to understand the immense diversity and possibility inherent in human life on the planet today.

This topic relates to the above two as well. If there is unconditional acceptance, love and mutual respect in the home, then there is also going to be tolerance for the differences and different needs of each person in the family.

This tolerance can then be extended to the broader society outside the home. If you teach your child that you are ok with you, and you are ok with them, then they are more likely to transfer this pattern to their contact with different children and people they meet at school and in social situations.

This tolerance of others and accectance of others is part of the mission of the Indigo and Crystal children, and will help to create a world in which there is tolerance and acceptance of all.

The new parent will show their child that they can connect with people who are “different”, with respect. And that they can honor the differences and celebrate the diversity, rather than being threatened and fearful as so many old style parents were.

The effectiveness of the aspects mentioned above in the New Parenting Paradigm, often lies in the parent’s ability to share life skills with the child. This is most effectively done through the skills of Communication,Negotiation, and Discipline.

Communication with your child is one of the key ways in which you can show love and respect.

The act of communication is one of giving and receiving. The person who communicates is giving or sharing ideas, and the person who listens is receiving those ideas. Both processes are “active”, in that receiving or “listening” is also a skill.

As a parent, you should move beyond issuing orders and instructions which you expect the child to receive without question and obey.And above all you should never lose your temper and shout in the process of communicating with your child.

The use of anger and violence in a communication only teaches the child that to get your own way you have to make the most noise and be the most aggressive. Likewise, physical punsihment teaches the child that in order to get what you want (compliance), you have to be aggressive and violent. These patterns of communication will be internalised and may then be externalised when the child interacts with its peers. Crystal children, especially, are here to experience power, and if they learn from you that violence equals power, then they will play this out. And often against you.

Far better then, to teach your child to communicate effectively, but with respect. And the key here is for both parties to LISTEN to what the other has to say. And in the act of listening to really receive and understand what the other feels and needs.

Communicate with your child about all family matters that will affect him or her. Don’t just assume that because they are small they just need to fall in line with what you want. Children have emotional needs that should be taken into consideration when making decisions that will affect the entire family.

Negotiation is part of the Communication process. If you want your child to follow a certain path or do certain things, then you will have to explain to them why you need this behaviour from them. Indigos and Crystals are not interested in authoritarian commands, but they will listen if you talk calmly and negotiate for what you want. If what you want is not particularly atttractive to them, it is possible to negotiate a reward for having them do as you ask. In this case there is a “win/win” situation, where both parties get something that they want.

The skill here is not manipulation, although parents of smart Indigos will need to watch that the child does not become manipulative. Rather, it is reaching a place of mutual comfort, where both parties are in accord and happy with what needs to be done. For example, if clearing away toys is an issue, negotiate with the child that if the toys are cleared away every night for a week, then on the week-end some treat can happen. If not, no treat. Most children will work around a proposal like this, rather than having mother continually shouting about why the toys are not put away (well, because Indigo and Crystal children generally have other more important and imaginative things to do than put away toys).

Although this one was left for last, it is generally the most emotive topic in my discussions with parents. Whether or not to “give hidings” as punishment, or to enforce boundaries.

My own belief is no violence, ever. This just teaches the child that violence is a tool for getting what you want.

However, I also believe that the concept of “discipline” is poorly understood in our society. It is equated with rules and regulations and punishment. In effect, the word discipline shares the same root as “disciple”, and has to do with teaching and learning. And the most effective teacher is not the one who shouts and is violent, unless you are in the Army. In ordinary life, teaching is most effective when it comes from the heart and is imparted in a kind and considerate manner.

Children need to know where the boundaries are, and what is expected of them within the family context. This helps to ensure a sense of security that fosters calm behaviour. But this information can be transmitted in a loving and quiet way, using the skills of communication and negotiation.

The skills of communication and negotiation are very much a part of the skill of discipline.

Your role as a parent is to teach your child – through example and through words – what is required of them to become empowered and loving adults. You are the teacher, they are the disciples. And sometimes, they are the teachers and you, as parents, are the disciples. Let the relationship between you be as loving and nurturing as that between Christ and his disciples.

by Celia Fenn

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